Welcome to My Lady Lorna


The Doctors say that watching Lorna Doone too many times can cause problems in the female gender. Victims are often found hyperventilating whenever a certain Yeoman farmer comes on-screen. Others have been known to faint whenever Carver Doone opens his mouth. I, personally, don't believe it... but then I carry smelling salts with me wherever I go. However, these are the known symptoms preceding an attack of "Lorna Doone Itus," especially when the victim is kept from her personal copy for more than a day and a half. Viewers take warning... this film can be hazardous to your heath.

 

Signs You've Seen Lorna Doone Too Many Times:

1. You know that Tom's mare, Winnie, is a boy.

2. You know precisely how many braids Carver has in that ponytail.

3. You know the number of shots Lizzie fired at the Doones.

4. Ten pm rolls around, and you're going through withdrawal, since you haven't seen the movie in twenty-four hours.

5. You absently call your sister "Gwenny." 

6. Your boyfriend wants to know just who this John Ridd REALLY is. He swears that if this dude Carver lays one finger on you, he'll slit his bike tiers. This only convinces you of what your family has been trying to tell you for six months - you have a lame boyfriend.

7. You book your wedding in a quaint little chapel, in the middle of a moor. You have the paramedics on hand "just in case." Your cousin isn't invited.

8. A policeman pays a house call after your brother John, and you unthinkingly cry, "It's Tom Faggus you want, not our John!" An hour later, the policeman leaves, still uncertain of this "highwayman," and you're severely scolded for making up stories.

9. Your family doesn't need to see the movie. You've acted it out for them, complete with camera angles and dialogue.

10. Your family knows you're insane, because when you're left a huge manor on the lakefront, you sell it all to go away and be a farmer in poverty with the man you love. Then again, money doesn't matter. At least you're happy... even if he does complain about the hair extensions.