Sure Signs of Obsession... and Possibly Hopelessness...  And I should know. I've been accused of a few of them myself by my poor, neglected friends who play second fiddle to Carver Doone. Fortunately I haven't gone quite this far, but there's still hope for my getting there...

1. You refuse to date the cute new kid in school, because he's not John Ridd. Likewise, you're attracted maddeningly to the snobby and overbearing new "Aristo" in your class, simply because his name is "Carver."

2. Watching Lorna Doone takes six hours, because you rewind and replay all your favorite scenes with each viewing, in addition to watching the entire film in slow motion, to "enhance" the experience. 

3. Your best friend gets extremely annoyed with you, since you're thrilled that your new neighbor's name is "John," you have a cousin named "Tom," and every sentence in every discussion brings up the name "Carver." Likewise, when your friend wishes to discuss her new recipe, you inquire as to whether or not a carving knife is useful in the preparation.

4. Suddenly being a highwayman by profession doesn't seem as shocking as it should. Similarly, you know that "Winnie," Tom's mare, is a boy. 

5. You buy an ancient shotgun and learn to shoot. You blew a huge hole in the back fence and scared the spit out of the neighborhood cats, but who cares? Your father finally confiscated the weapon, since you were flirting with your instructor. 

6. Your wardrobe consists of Regency-style clothes. You wear an excellent impression of Lorna's White Hall gown to the prom, and force your boyfriend to grow his hair long and blond. (Or, if you're a Carver fan - dye it black, and put it in a cute little nest of braids.) For some reason, he doesn't appreciate your help.

7. You regard your grandfather suspiciously, and are hardly impressed by the family heirlooms. That same week, you wire London to inquire about your background. Unfortunately, you find out what you didn't want to know... your name is Jane Doe, and yes, those ARE your parents.

8. You're deeply wounded when Prince Charles shows little interest at your invitation to attend Mass with him. You're not Catholic, but it doesn't matter. Secretly, you pray that the religion is overthrown... even if it vanished a hundred years ago. 

9. You suspect that the postmaster is in alliance against you, and squirrels away your letters. However, the post office does not share your "sense of humor" and sends you a restraining order. 

10. You insist that your first kiss MUST be at a scenic waterfall... and no, Niagara Falls won't do it. 

11. Your computer is a virtual Doone realm... you have Carver on your wallpaper, John Ridd as an e-mail background, Lorna and the Ridds for your desktop icons, and a screen saver (which takes up 998.8 megabytes) of the White Hall sequence. When it turns on, the computer chirps brightly, "I thought you'd never come back!" (Lorna) and when it shuts down, "She'll come back, and I'll be here, waiting for her." (Carver)

12. You're actually sitting here, reading this, and none of it seems especially far-out. This proves that you're a complete Lorna Doone Fanatic. Counseling is not advisable... but take heart... You're In Good Company.